Luke 22:60-62
Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about!” At that moment, while he was still speaking, the cock crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.
Of all the pieces of furniture in our homes, the mirror may be the most dangerous. Mirrors have this capacity to show us what we really look like. Whatever image we carry around with us, whatever story we may tell ourselves, the mirror refuses to be taken in, reflecting back our current state.
This, I suspect, is just what Peter is experiencing at this moment. He has once again – and for the third time – denied even knowing his Lord. And then Jesus turns back to look at him.
Jesus had to turn back to look because he is being marched forward to his destiny and death. And as Peter sees him looking back, being taken where Peter refused to follow, he no doubt remembered his own brash profession of loyalty and love just hours earlier when he had assured Jesus that he was ready to go with him to prison and to death.
All of those professions, along with Peter’s confidence, courage, and self-assurance, have now dissolved in this instant of self-recognition and awareness. He is not who he thought he was, not who he promised to be. And so Peter goes out and weeps bitterly, for in the look he received from his Lord he feels the weight of accusation, even condemnation.
Of course Luke doesn’t tell us that. Luke, the only one to add this detail of the exchange of glances between the denied and denier, does not interpret Jesus’ glance at all. And given Jesus’ earlier promise to Peter that he, Jesus, had prayed for him and that Peter himself would turn back to strengthen the company, I think we are on fair ground to assume that Jesus’ look was not one of accusation and condemnation but rather of compassion, understanding, and even forgiveness.
Peter very likely feels exposed and accused at this moment, but he is his own accuser. Like Jean ValJean after receiving underserved mercy of the bishop from whom he stole in Les Miserables, Peter’s tears flow from the absolute recognition that he is not who he wants to be, not who he imagines himself to be, not at all the person he was created to be.
None of us are, of course, but it’s always painful to realize that. That’s what mirrors do.
Prayer: Dear God, when we look in the mirror and are disappointed in what we see, remind us that you look at us always with love, mercy, and compassion. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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