28. Mark 15:14-15

Pilate asked them, “Why, what evil has he done?” But they shouted all the more, “Crucify him!” So Pilate, wishing to satisfy the crowd, released Barabbas for them; and after flogging Jesus, he handed him over to be crucified.

Do you ever wonder just how much of our lives is dictated by what we think others will think of us? I’d like to believe that it’s only insignificant things, like what I may wear (not that I’m ever particularly in style) or the length of my sideburns. But everyone once in a while I fear I am a lot more like Pilate than I’d want to admit.

Think about it. We are, as a species, notoriously insecure. We do not know where we’ve come from; we do not know (for certain) where will go. We have little to no firm ground upon which to stand when we attempt to assess our worth or value. We cannot measure ourselves against God or the eternal – perhaps the surest standard of measure – simply because it would be overwhelming. And so lacking any sure standard, we compare ourselves to each other, judging and measuring and assessing and gossiping and cutting, all in the hope of finding a place to stand. And if it wasn’t bad enough that the place we end up standing more often than not is on the backs of others, what’s worse is that we still can’t escape the pervasive sense of insecurity that colors human existence.

And so when we are not comparing and judging we are pleasing, or at least trying to please. If we can’t establish our worth on our own, or over and against others, perhaps someone else can do it for us. And so we fawn, or compliment, or satisfy, or mollify, or bend over backwards, or go to unreasonable lengths to win the favor of others. And when that fails as well we despise them for not giving us what we could not give ourselves, and we despise ourselves for needing it.

Poor Pilate. Procurator of Judea. The most powerful man in the realm. Caesar’s appointed deputy in the region. Judgment sits on his brow; life in death rest in his hands. And yet still he craves the approval, if not adoration, of others. Normally cold, calculating, harsh – he would no doubt call it fair – yet he cannot release the man he knows to be innocent and instead sends him to be whipped and then crucified. And while I suspect that it wasn’t long before he forgot this man, this sentence, this episode altogether, every once in a while I wonder if, deep down, he wasn’t the unhappiest man in the land.

Prayer: Dear God, We are restless until we rest in you, insecure until called worthy by you, afraid until we find courage in you. Remind us of your great love for us and for all people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.