Fred Rogers was a regular and important part of my childhood and continues, well after his death, to continue to serve as an inspiration. Recently the Huffington Post re-ran a picture of “Mr. Rogers” with some advice his mother gave him on how to cope with tragedy. Many have found it helpful as they think about how to talk with their children about tragedy. Typical of his style, the advice is simple, practical, and clear: When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’...

Robert Krulwich, NPR’s science correspondent, recently posted on his blog the story of a remarkable nine-year old boy who gets dubbed “the philosopher” for his views on the world, the universe, the question of free will and destiny, and more, all in just a few minutes. Except, as Krulwich explains via his interview of the film’s maker, the boy isn’t that unusual. Bright, yes; extraordinary, probably not. Except perhaps in this: his parents have gotten into the habit of asking him profound questions and taking seriously his answers. His parents, in other words, trust his ability to think, to reason, to wonder, and to offer his...

Stories are powerful. The stories we tell each other, the stories we create to help us make sense of our lives, the stories we hear or read from others. Stories are powerful because, I believe, we are narrative beings – we make sense of and share our lives through the concrete plots and characters of stories. Even though the scenes of most stories we tell or hear are not exactly the same as events in our life, the are like elements of our life, and that similarity connects us not only to the story in question but to each other. Stories are powerful. Which is probably why film is such an incredible medium. It allows artists to take a story...

The trail of gratitude on the internet can at times be both long and complex. Case in point: I came across this piece on Christmas gifts at MaryAnn McKibben Dana’s great blog, “The Blue Room,” where she referenced an article written by Gretchen Ziegenhals on Duke’s fine Faith and Leadership website where she (Gretchen) talks about an idea she received at a workshop given by Susan Vogt. Still with me…? I suppose it doesn’t matter. Here are the relevant paragraphs on Christmas gift-giving at home, first from Gretchen (as quoted by MaryAnn): At a retreat on Christian life, I heard Susan V. Vogt describe a wonderful tradition...

As of yesterday, we are within four weeks of Christmas. If that thought stresses you ought just a bit, you’re not alone. An untold number of studies say that the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s are among the most stressful of the year. And while I think that’s true for all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons, I think that’s particularly true for parents. Parents who want to make sure Christmas is great for their kids while also attending to all the usual stuff at work and home and, at this time of the year, trying to please their own siblings and parents as well. And, truth be told, when I say parents, I want to add a...

Are we too concerned about safety when it comes to our kids? That may seem like a crazy question. But let me rephrase it: have we protected our kids too much? Putting the question that way gives us more to think about. Because although it’s hard for us to admit, kids actually need struggle. They need to learn by making mistakes. They need to develop the grit to overcome disappointment and failure. Why? Because life is hard, filled with challenging endeavors, and will inevitably bring disappointment and failure, and if we don’t learn the skills to manage these things as children, we’re likely to have great difficulty in adulthood. In a...

I have a riddle for you. What is more precious than gold but cannot be bought, earned, or saved? Before answering, let me share with you the story of a nearly perfect day. This past Sunday was absolutely beautiful in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, moving from the high fifties as the sun came up to near eighty degrees and sunny by mid-afternoon. After waking up I took our two dogs for a long walk. Then I went to church and enjoyed a great sermon and worship service. Then we threw a kayak on our car and took the family to Lake Harriet (featured in the picture) and while my two kids kayaked, my wife Karin and I walked around the...

I love brain research. That may seem an odd thing to say, but I find recent advances in brain imaging and what it reveals about our brains fascinating. I also love brain research because I’m a parent, and one of the interesting things that brain imaging and research has revealed is how much longer the brain takes to develop than we’d imagined. In particular, the prefrontal cortex – the place where decision making lies – develops far more slowly than we’d thought in general and develops even more slowly in boys than girls in particular. Which helps to explain a lot about the behavior of our adolescent...

If there is one element of parenting that I have consistently found confusing it’s the role of incentives in a child’s life. That is, should we set up concrete and clear goals and rewards for our children? And, if so, when do we offer incentives, for what kinds of activities, and how much? One of the first times (of many!) that this came up for my wife and me was when our kids were a few years into an excellent Suzuki violin program. At the recitals each fall, winter, and spring, kids would be called forward, recognized, and awarded ribbons for practicing for a hundred days (or 200, 300, etc.) of continuous practice. Simple enough, and...

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” That most famous of lines from children’s fairy tales has been brought back to the silver screen this year in two major films, one a comedy starring Julia Roberts, the other a dark fantasy with Charlize Theron. But I’m not writing about either of these films; rather, I’m interested in the subject that animates both movies, the fairy tale that inspired them, and increasingly our whole culture: beauty. It is for the sake of beauty that the Queen is willing not just to abandon Snow White to her fate but actually seek to murder her. And it’s a quest for beauty that is...

It seems like each year as our kids get older there are more and more opportunities – in sports, music, at school, with friends. But how much is too much? When does highly-scheduled become over-scheduled? One indicator, various researchers and pediatricians have suggested, is whether it affects our kids’ sleep. If they have a hard time either falling asleep at night or getting up in the morning, they are probably over-scheduled and under-slept to a degree that could be harming their development. If they’re falling asleep with difficulty, it could be because they are stressed, have spent too much time on a screen (TV,...