I Don’t Know, Pt. 3

This is the third post on reclaiming the power of saying “I don’t know.” In the first I suggested that when we can’t admit when we don’t know the answer, but always have to come up with one, we’re far more likely to give inaccurate information and, perhaps worse, fail to seize opportunities for learning. In the second post I suggested that we might encourage each other to admit when we have things to learn by considering the possibility that intelligence isn’t simply a measure of the stuff you know but of the stuff you know you don’t know, and therefore are eager to learn.

Today I want to offer one more thing: that reclaiming “I don’t know” is particularly powerful when combined with four more words: “What do you think?” When we admit we don’t know something we have the opportunity to invite others to share their knowledge, skill and expertise. This can be incredibly empowering, especially when the invitation comes from a leader.

Here are three ways in which I’ve found this to be both true and helpful:

1) As Dan Pink has pointed out in his book Drive, one of the most powerful motivators known to humans is having a sense of purpose – feeling, that is, like you have something to contribute. When we ask, “What do you think?” and invite the contributions of others, we give them that sense of purpose and value them and gifts.

2) When people are invited to contribute their opinions and expertise, they not only share their gifts and skills but also test them out and develop them by putting them to good use. When a leader has admitted that she or he doesn’t know the solution to a particular problem, for instance, it gives permission for others to take a risk and try out what they have to offer without the pressure of being “right.”

3) When people are invited to share their insights and abilities, they are drawn more deeply into the life of the institution you serve. The general practice at the first congregation I served was to never invite any of the first three people we thought of when we had a question, hit a roadblock in a project, or needed something to be done. Why? Because we likely thought of those people because they were already involved in the life of our parish. We’d think, instead, of the fourth, fifth, or sixth persons that came to mind because it was likely that these persons could help us out as well but needed to be woven more fully into the fabric of our life together.

A few examples: When a parent asks a child for his advice, the child practices important problem-solving skills and grows in his confidence that she has something to contribute. When a leader admits that she don’t know and invites the suggestions of others, all kinds of employees are suddenly more invested in the project. And when preachers admit they don’t know, they witness to the mystery of faith, make it easier for others to ask their own questions, and invite a conversation among the faithful.

So there you have it, the power of those three important words, “I don’t know,” multiplied by four more, “What do you think?”

If you’re interested in what motivates people, Dan Pink is an excellent resource. Below is a video of a ten minute presentation he offered that was animated by RSA. I hope you find it interesting.

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